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Some Thoughts & Facts - His Holiness Swamiji Sri Selvam Siddhar- DR COMMANDER SELVAM

 Never Divorce Your Husband

One 75 years old lady came to see me. She had a right knee problem.

Never can I thank my father


I asked her, “How is the relationship with your father?”

She said, “Fine. We had a very cordial relationship”

“There is no thanks in your heart for him. Can you thank him? Think about all that he had done to you. Thank him for the same”.

She became silent and curtly went off. After about one week, she phoned up to me. “As I came with my son-in-law last time, I could not tell you anything in front of him. To tell the truth, I am not able to thank my father”.A promise that resulted in suffering “Why”.  “Only because of him I suffered all my life”.Her father showed her a boy when she was to be married and told her that she had to marry him. She agreed to her father. On the date of marriage he came and asked her, “Give me a promise. Whatever happens in your life you would not divorce this boy”.  She gave a promise to her father that she would not divorce him at any cost.

Her marriage was an abusive affair

From the date of marriage, her husband had been physically abusing her. It was a total harassment. She got two children through him and they are well placed now. Because she gave a promise to her father, she did not divorce her husband. All along she had been cursing her father for the same reasons.

She said, “I am a free bird now after my husband’s death. I can neither forgive my husband nor my father”.

Positives in the sufferings

I asked her, “In spite of all these bad events there must be at least one positive event in your life. Only for that purpose you have suffered in your life”.She is a staunch devotee of Puttaparthi Sai Baba. When her marriage failed, she wanted a spiritual asylum. Therefore, she went to Baba. She composed and sang many songs on gods like Devi, She had a great spiritual progress. Throughout the day, she was singing only Bhajans. Her life was totally changed to spirituality and she lived a life of an ascetic.

I asked her, “Is this not a positive point? I think only for this aspect your husband behaved like that. If the suffering was not there then you would have lived an ordinary life. We say, Atmavan Bhava, which means ‘I am not the doer’. Like that your husband is also not the doer. When we say we are not the doers, the opposite person is also not the doer”.When she understood that Divine is the doer, automatically she started forgiving and she is free from her knee pain now.

Meet your commitments to your body

What should you eat and what you should not eat.  Make a list and follow that to the core.  Sometimes body does not accept certain types of food. Yet, we try to eat the same food again and again. Instead you have to prepare a list of items which you can eat and list out all those which your body does not accept. When you prepare the list you are giving a commitment to your body and you need to follow that.  Another thing is that whatever ways you behave outside we behave in the same manner with the body too. “I should not say this because the other person will be wounded”. Thinking like this, to please him, we tell a lie. When you can’t meet a commitment, don’t make one. Suppose someone invites us for wedding. To please him we say that we will come definitely. But, we do not go to the wedding at all. I have also committed such mistakes.

Later on I found out that when I say something it is not a commitment to that person but it is a commitment to the God. I questioned myself, “Am I cheating the universe”? Then I decided to tell the truth. If I am able to go I will say yes. Otherwise, I will say that I will not be able to make it.Like that if you tell me that you are meeting me next week then it means that you are not making a commitment to me but you are committing to the Universe.

Commitment to our body

If one food is not being accepted by the body, we tell that I should not eat this food again. This is a commitment that you are giving to the Universe. Next time when we eat that food again then we are breaking our own commitment. The Universe is always watching all of us because it is the web of life. If I have to get my food at 1 p.m., it is already decided that it will come from a particular person. By restraining yourself by not eating certain food, you are honoring your own body.

Resolving Conflict with Your Spouse

I’m Ms Reena and I am writing this for the benefit of all who follow or about to enter the world of switch words….


I and my husband had a bad argument just yesterday and we parted ways with ego, none wanting to say sorry or accept our faults. It was bitter and hurtful. I’m sure it is same for him as well!


Soon after he left home, I simply started chanting TOGETHER DIVINE for my peace of mind, nothing else occurred to me at that point of time…..


By afternoon, I just picked up my phone, called up my hubby and pleaded sorry and suggested to make up. Divinity has its ways. We both apologized to each other and made up.

It was totally not expected because our fight and arguments were severe. It amazes me how chanting Together Divine changed my mind and his too!!! I still can’t believe that this could happen within hours of chanting. We had a wonderful evening hence… It’s amazing how powerful these words can be…….!!!!

What made me call my hubby up despite my ego, what changed or directed my mind towards my highest good……it’s magical….TOGETHER DIVINE…..?

Thank you Swamiji!!! There is always a conflict between the separated self (our ego self) and the evolving self (original self).


This original self always wants to give love to evolve. For the evolving self, there are only two states – forgiveness to love, and gratitude. For the ego self, its own survival is important. In other words the ego can survive if only it projects anger, vengeance and what not. That is why it will not allow the evolving self to operate. Switch words bypass the ego self and activate the evolving self.


Why does it not happen always?

It is because of the resistance of the concerned person to accept everyone as he is.


Rule your MIND! Rule your LIFE!!



Your child is not studying

Letting go proves to be very difficult for the mother.  Between feelings/emotions and action there is no gap. So she gets angry and scolds him. Then she will feel guilty and pamper him to appease him. During this process, the purpose of the son to study has been lost.


How to manage such a situation?

Whenever any emotion arises, ask the questions:

·         What are the thoughts? What is the emotion behind the thought(s)? I accept this thought Can I release it? By asking questions, you are creating a gap between thoughts and actions. Will he study if I release the thought? He has not studied so far anyway. Try this technique, release your anger and do the action. Then see the results for yourself whether he studies or not.


Why there are communication barriers between mother and son?

Emotions block the communication. What is the communication required here? He has to listen to us for him to study. There can be three types of desires here.


Desire to control or change the person

He has to study very hard. He has to become an Engineer and so on.

A framework is present here:

·         Release the thought one after another. Do I want to change this person/child? If I say yes, can I release my desire to control the person? We are only releasing the desire, and we are not releasing the action here. I release my desire to control the person. Only then your anger will go.


Desire for more security – feeling of insecurity

Is there is any desire to feel more secure? Only if he studies well he will do well and then I will become free. Where there is fear there is no presence of Divinity. Only Satan is present.

I release my fear. These desires are born with ego.

Desire for approval

Others should recognize my son’s talent. Others should appreciate us (by appreciating my son’s excellence in his studies). People have to complement us (how well you have brought him up).

Another example where a husband desires his wife should treat him properly when he comes home from office. Release that desire. What if she appreciates you or not? You let go the craving for recognition. More and more you should indulge in releasing thoughts, like a game.


Rule your mind instead of mind ruling you

Now mind is managing your life. Instead, manage it yourself. Then you do not need a teacher. You do not need anybody. Therefore, just let go all the thoughts.


What this technique can do

·         Achieving your goals. We are not saying no for achievement. We are only entitled for action and not fruits for the action. Keep saying release and go beyond likes and dislikes. Decision-making. Breaking bad habits Better Health and Wealth Good Relationships Build better parent and children relationships In your career you will be able to do wonders In entire life, you can let go and release. Everything will happen without your intervention.


The need for Letting GO


Letting go the thoughts

How can we do it that? How thoughts can be let off? There will be resistance inside the mind to do so, as it does not want us to move forward spiritually in life.


Letting go seen inside our body

Is this letting go is something new that we have never seen? If you watch your body, it is letting go. However, mind does not do that. Let say you like eating Jangri (Indian sweet). Can you keep it in the mouth for long? It has to be released to the stomach. After digestion, if the stomach does not release it, then you have to go to hospital. Nature of the mouth is to let go. Stomach has to let go to intestines. If intestines refuse to let go, imagine what will happen to us. Here cooperation among body organs is a must. Jangri takes different forms in the end, losing its original form after digestion, absorption and elimination operations of the digestive tract.

Skin let go by sweating. Lungs exhales carbon dioxide. If heart stops circulating blood one-tenth of a second, then you will die. It does letting in and letting out blood.


Letting go action in nature

Morning has to go for noon to come and afternoon goes for evening to come. Letting go happens in a circular manner. Similarly, sun goes, and Moon comes. Letting go is the process of nature. However, for mind it’s not possible. It does opposite of it, by holding on to things.


Holding on is the nature of the mind

Mind is the enemy to Body and Soul. When you hold on to a thought, it means there is stagnation. Then you will have less of Prana (energy). Mind is always stagnated.


Letting GO in Action


How to bring the mind to do letting go?

Let us say, you are angry. Then affirm, “I am not the mind. I feel angry.” Here you have changed “I am angry” to “I feel angry”. If you are happy then affirm, “I feel happy”, and so on.


Prepare a checklist of emotions

List the emotions you are feeling currently. Irrespective of whether they are positive or negative, release them.


Let us see an example

Somebody cheats you. How you let go the emotions attached with this incident?

List the emotions first. For example: Let him go to hell .He is not fair. How can he do this to me, when I have done so much to him? (One thought will generate another thought) Take the first one “Let him to hell”. 


Affirm, “I accept this thought.” I ask the mind, “Can I release it?” If it says no, then I question back the mind, “When can I release it?” If it keeps quiet, then I ask the mind, “Can I release at least 10% of the thought?” If it says yes, then I release the 10%. It is just a mind game. Playing games with mind like this will confuse it. A confused mind cannot have any impact on your actions.


Failed to change my child’s behavior


You want to control your child’s behavior. Instead of studying, he is watching the TV all the time.

·         First say, “I release my desire to control him”. Then advise him.

Why? If you tell him anything with judgment, then he will never listen to you for sure.

How do we control our children? They have to be punctual, eat healthy, study well etc.

Thus, we control all their activities because we think they are to be corrected. We don’t allow them to grow in their own way.

·         What will happen if we don’t tell them so? If I don’t tell him then he won’t go to school.

·         There is a fear he won’t go to school. So I release the fear that he won’t go to school.

·         What will happen if he doesn’t go to school? Nothing will happen. I have a responsibility as a mother. Other people should say that my child is a good child. Say, “I release my desire for approval”.

·         In addition, say, “I release my desire to control him”. Release all the desires and then discipline him.

·         There are three basic desires that are operating within us – desire to control, desire to get approval and desire for security. Even if I wake him up, he doesn’t get up. How do you exercise your control with him? By getting angry with him, you are exercising your control over him.

·         Release that.

·         What’s that you don’t like about him? You dislike him because he is getting up late.

·         Release your dislikes about him.

He doesn’t behave as per my expectations. If he gets up on time then he will be no 1 student

·         This is your expectation.

·         Release all your expectations about him  and then you discipline him


Each and every matter you need to analyze like this and then take your actions. 

Question – In my extended family, none of them are single, except for me. How the past-healing can be used to handle this situation?- Sudha Gupta,  Edison, New Jersey, USA


In one of your previous lifetimes – take the last three, in one lifetime, you would have had an unhappy marriage and decided that you will never marry again (in future lifetimes). You need to heal that marriage first, before you take steps to get married. May be this situation is temporary. Your parents when they were single they would have been rejected by two suitors. However, you are rejected by multiple suitors. One day you will find a suitor too, if this is the case.

So to heal this situation, visualize your parents when they were single, and send Reiki to them with an intention, “Reiki flow through me and heal my parents when they were single and give a happy married life”. This also can be done by those who are happily married. Question – my parents lead a happy married life for more than 40 years. However, being their only daughter, I am divorced and didn’t have a happy married life.


In general, your parents would have lived a happy married life. However, they might have had small conflicts now and then, which is common for any marriage.  During one of those fights, your mother would have thought, “Why do I live with this guy? I wish I could divorce him and lead a life of single, which is trouble-free by all means”. This thought would have been picked by you and would have resulted in your marriage. It could have been due to your previous karma too. Interestingly, your sister might not pick that thought and will be leading a happy married life.

From your perspective, you need to handle those negative thoughts of your mother as well as your marriages from the past. Take the last three and heal it. Heal the marriage of your ancestors –grandmother (paternal) and grandmother (maternal). Sometimes you may have memories of your aunts (from both sides). Heal their relationship too.  

Move ON and Have a Life for Yourself

My husband and I have been in the States for about 8 years, living in the same small town and doing the same job. We feel like stuck. We would like to move out to another city to get more opportunities but it has been difficult to get a job. We just want a fresh start as well as job opportunities so that we can move out.  - Ms. Kanaka Subramanium, Houston, Texas, USA

Be in the following Mudra for 30 minutes: Thumb touching the index finger (both hands) and the rest of the fingers at the base of the thumb. Chant “THANKS CHANGE DIVINE ORDER COUNT NOW DONE” while doing the Mudra.


Mudra: The index finger induces new thoughts. It will be from a higher perspective, which was created by placing the other three fingers at the base of thumb.

Now, your decisions will be de-avoid of internal resistance and they will not be based on past karma as well as previous karma vasanas.

I want to die before you…

Mani Balakrishna ,Fairfax, Virginia, USA

I heard these words from my wife, She was arguing with her father, a widower and who is staying with us. His son is living in US and so we offered to take View a sample page using this layout.

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