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Sexual Energy- Goodness & Problems

                          -Sex for Health, Relationships and Spirituality



Sex, or rather sexual energy, is a potent force in regard to our health, intimate relationships and spirituality, but the extent of this is rarely realized. Fortunately we can now understand much of the prevailing dynamics due to recent advances in the neurochemistry of the brain. The observed effects can partly be explained with biochemistry and partly with bioenergetics.


Orgasm is generally regarded as the ultimate goal of recreational sex. Wilhelm Reich was the first scientist to describe the nature and purpose of the orgasm as a discharge of excess bio-energy with the additional liberation of feeling energy, and he also recognized the negative consequences of blocked sexual energies.

Unfortunately, in addition to exciting peaks, orgasms tend to produce powerful negative side-effects that are only now becoming better understood. This is due to predictable trends in hormonal activity which seem to be similar in all mammals to ensure certain evolutionary objectives, especially the wide mixing of gene pools and the safe raising of offspring. This is achieved with the following neurochemical changes.

The main players are dopamine, the reward hormone; prolactin, the hormone of satiation; oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, and levels of androgen receptors, which all powerfully affect our mood, our desire for intimacy, our perception of our mate, as well as our susceptibility to addictive activities and substances. These hormones can also have different but generally related functions.

Additionally the stimulant phenyl ethylamine (PEA) is involved, which is also present in cocoa and chocolate and elevates energy, mood and attention. PEA is produced in greater amounts when one is in love; conversely a deficiency (common in manic-depressives) causes unhappy feelings.

When we first fall in love we become bonded by rising PEA, oxytocin and dopamine levels When we are sexually aroused by close contact our dopamine level rises further and at the time of orgasm we have a dopamine brainstorm which one researcher compared to the effects of heroin on the brain. Dopamine is active in all addictions, even in people who have forgotten what sex is. Most of this activity is in the limbic system, the oldest part of the brain.

Dopamine Levels, Excess ,Deficient ,"Normal", Addictions Addictions, Motivated ,Anxiety, Depression, Feelings of well-being, satisfaction, Compulsions, Anhedonia - no pleasure, world looks colorless, Pleasure, reward in accomplishing tasks, Sexual fetishes , Lack of ambition and drive, Healthy libido, Sexual addiction, Inability to "love”, Good feelings toward others, Unhealthy risk-taking ,Low libido, Healthy bonding, Gambling, Erectile dysfunction, Healthy risk taking, Compulsive activities, No remorse about personal behavior, Sound choices, Aggression, ADD/ADHD, Realistic expectations, Psychosis, Social anxiety disorder, Maternal/Paternal love , Schizophrenia, antisocial behavior


After orgasm dopamine levels fall sharply with the usual withdrawal symptoms. This reaction tends to be immediate in males and delayed in females. Also prolactin levels rise, and androgen receptors fall after orgasm. Low testosterone is associated with irritability and anger. In sexually-satiated rats it has been shown that serotonin and endorphin levels also rise, and this also decreases dopamine and raises prolactin levels. Oxytocin levels fall after conventional orgasm but remaining in close contact may help to counter this drop and sustain oxytocin levels.

Behavioral changes from this disturbed hormone equilibrium have been noticed for up to two weeks. During this time we may be more irritable, dissatisfied, anxious or depressed, and instead of seeing the good side of our mate, we are now painfully aware of his or her shortcomings. This is exactly the same process and length of time prolactin levels need to recover during withdrawal from cocaine.

Symptoms associated with excess Prolactin

Women, Men, Loss of libido ,Loss of libido, Mood changes / depression, Mood changes / depression, Hostility, anxiety, Impotence, Headache, Headache, Menopausal symptoms, even when estrogen is sufficient, Infertility, Signs of increased testosterone levels, Decreased testosterone levels, Weight gain, Weight gain, Intercourse may become painful because of vaginal dryness

Initially, during the honeymoon period of our relationship, we remain strongly bonded by high oxytocin levels, and quickly overcome our hormonal blues by having more sex. Initially sex stimulates us to crave for more sex. This leads to rapid rises and falls in dopamine levels and corresponding rapid emotional fluctuations in our relationship. Later we become less and less interested in sex with our partner (perhaps because we subconsciously begin to associate him or her with the “lows” of the cycle, or perhaps because we grow tired of being used as a fix, and therefore feel less attraction), and now we try to prop up our dopamine level by becoming addicted to some kind of food or drug, or by becoming interested in a new sexual partner. Basically this type of behavior is the same for humans, primates, mammals and reptiles because it originates from the primitive part of our brain.

Further evidence of a lasting post-orgasm hangover comes from sexually exhausted male rats. The number of androgen receptors in the hypothalamus declines, reducing the effectiveness of testosterone and changing sexual behavior. These changes last for about seven days, corresponding to a lack of libido of the rats.

In addition to serving as a sexual brake, prolactin also affects our moods and behavior somewhat like a hormone of resignation. For example caged wild monkeys initially had high levels of the stress hormone cortisol but gradually prolactin levels rose as they became resigned to their fate. Prolactin levels were highest after seven months. With raised prolactin levels they do not mate, which looks like the same effect that we see in long-term relationships without close oxytocin-producing bonding.

The Coolidge-Effect

In experiments with rats it has been observed that after vigorous copulation with a new partner, male rats soon completely ignore this partner, but when a new female is introduced, they immediately are revitalized - at least sufficiently to become sexually active once more. This can be repeated again and again until the male rat is completely exhausted.

This phenomenon has been called the “Coolidge Effect” after an American president. On a visit to a farm his wife had been shown a rooster who could copulate with his hens all day-long day after day. She liked that idea and asked the farmer to let the president know about this. After hearing it, President Coolidge thought for a moment and asked: ”Does he do that with the same hen?”  “No, sir” answered the farmer. “Please tell that to Mrs. Coolidge” said the president

Not only has the Coolidge effect been observed in all tested male animals, but also in females. Female rodents for instance flirt more and present themselves more attractively when observed by new males than in the presence of males with whom they had already sex.

Another experiment indicates that the cause of this effect may be a rush of dopamine. When rats were taught to pull a lever to stimulate their own reward center, they would forgo eating and copulating, and just continue to stimulate themselves until they were totally exhausted.

The Cuddle Hormone

The dopamine system is obviously designed to produce genetic variety by inducing us to mate with as many different partners as possible. There is, however, a hormone that counteracts the emotional rollercoaster effects of dopamine, and that is oxytocin, the cuddle-hormone. Oxytocin also counteracts fear, which is associated with high cortisol levels and stress, see chart below.

Oxytocin leads to strong pair-bonding. In pair-bonded animals mating, and with this the dopamine rollercoaster, stops with the rise of prolactin after successful fertilization, and now oxytocin ensures that both parents cooperate for the survival of their offspring. Humans could do the same, mate only to produce offspring and then abstain from sex. This might produce an emotionally stable relationship for life, but most of us would also find it utterly boring. Paramahansa Yogananda wrote this is exactly what his parents did (Autobiography of a Yogi).

The Benefits of Oxytocin

 Fear – Cortisol , Love – Oxytocin, Aggression, Anti-stress hormone, Arousal, Anxiety, Feeling stressed-out, Feeling calm and connected, Increased curiosity, Activates addictions, Lessens cravings & addictions, Suppresses libido, Increases sexual receptivity, Associated with depression, Positive feelings, Can be toxic to brain cells, Facilitates learning, Breaks down muscles, bones and joints, Repairs, heals and restores, Weakens immune system, Faster wound healing, Increases pain, Diminishes sense of pain, Clogs arteries, Promotes heart disease and high blood pressure, Lowers blood pressure, Protects against heart disease, Obesity, Diabetes, Osteoporosis


The time-honored solution to this problem is loving sex without orgasm. This greatly helps to sustain oxytocin levels without producing emotionally disruptive high-low neurochemical cycles of orgasm, and it has been practiced in Indian Tantra, by the Chinese Taoists, and apparently by early Christians. In modern times it has been resurrected as Karezza, White Tantra and various forms of spiritual sex. It heals and holds relationships together rather than driving them apart as frequent orgasmic sex seems to do although, as we will see later, it is also possible to have bonding orgasmic sex. For a wealth of articles on the hormonal aspects of our sexuality see


Presently a large number of marriages ends in divorce, often already after a very short time. Informal relationships are even more fragile. While this is a rather recent phenomenon, the underlying reason has always been there. In previous centuries marriages simply were held together by social pressure and an inability to get a divorce.

The underlying reasons that drive relationships apart are rooted in the hormonal characteristics of our sexual relationships. In evolutionary terms we are conditioned to spread our genes as widely as possible, and provide a safe environment for raising our offspring. This means we are programmed to meet, fall in love, mate to conceive a child, and after some time to meet another lover and repeat this procedure.

Females are attracted sexually to handsome men, but often choose mates based on resources and parenting potential, and males try to spread their genes by being strongly attracted to any (fertile) female with genetically desirable features.

This evolutionary pattern comes to a head after pregnancy when the woman maintains high prolactin levels during breastfeeding, and instead of maintaining a loving oxytocin connection with her partner, she now has switched her oxytocin bonding to the baby. In this situation sex is hormonally undesirable, and any orgasmic sex leads to further hormonal and emotional instability.

Therefore, what happens presently in our society is perfectly normal in evolutionary terms. The main problem is just the unacceptable amount of emotional distress and social upheaval that it causes. Other casualties are our health and wellbeing, which are greatly enhanced by harmonious long-term relationships.

Initially we were bonded together by falling in love through a generous release of oxytocin and enjoyed the exciting peaks of dopamine release during our sexual encounters. Gradually the oxytocin glow faded and we began to fall out of love, and it also became more difficult to maintain an exciting sex life.

Instead of enjoying dopamine peaks, increasingly we now have to cope with the dopamine lows after our routine sexual encounters. We begin to see all the faults in our partner that were previously covered by high oxytocin levels (from frequent physical contact without unpleasant subconscious associations). As these dopamine lows may last for up to two weeks this causes considerable strain on a relationship.

During this time we tend towards increasing irritability, nagging, resentment, frustration, blaming each other and similar negative emotions as an expression of a biological hangover. Depending on our emotional makeup we may now develop a subconscious desire to separate, and many couples do just that. Over time couples start losing interest in sex and withdraw emotionally, or they may try to shift their emotional involvement to other common interests and in this way may be able to maintain a satisfying relationship.

Still others try maintaining peak dopamine experiences by exploring all the different sexual positions, or start swapping partners, or becoming interested in a new partner. Dopamine peaks can also be maintained by becoming addicted to something, it does not really matter to what. This may be legal or illegal drugs, games, racing and betting, chocolate, or frequently finding a different sexual partner. Apart from causing long-term stress-related and other health problems, addictions also have a host of unpleasant side effects on our capacity for intimacy.

Beyond Orgasm

With the present structure of our society it is obviously an advantage to form stable cooperative sexual relationships for the benefit of the children and also for the emotional wellbeing of the parents. As this objective is contrary to our evolutionary neurochemical conditioning, we need to find ways to outsmart the hormonal changes that drive us apart.

In hormonal terms we need to maximize oxytocin production and avoid the dopamine rollercoaster. Apart from occasional procreating activities, all of this could be done within a loving platonic relationship. However, there is a biological catch: To maintain a strong and healthy body we also need to maintain a strong production of sex hormones. This hormone production is best maintained by sexual feelings. As with muscle activity, it is best to use it or we may lose it.

This leads us to two remaining questions: “Can sexual activity without orgasm be satisfying?” and “Is orgasm needed to stimulate our sexual glands and maintain the health of our sexual organs?” These questions cannot be confidently answered from theoretical considerations, but fortunately we have already a wealth of practical experience in this regard.


Karezza and the related practice of White Tantra are one answer to non-orgasmic sex. "White Tantra" was promoted by Samael Aun Weor in his book The Perfect Matrimony (1950), /. These non-orgasmic methods shift the focus of love-making from the sexual organs to the heart. There have been three basic ideas in the evolution of Karezza: increasing health and wellbeing, avoiding unwanted pregnancy, and increasing close bonding and sensual pleasure.

From time to time some health-minded individuals, generally males, felt from their own experience that non-ejaculatory sex gave them more energy and improved their health, while at the same time preventing unwanted pregnancies. Their female partners were uniformly enthusiastic about the close emotional bonding that it provided. However, this not necessarily the case at present as many women still prefer orgasms and men are even more strongly orgasm oriented.

The Oneida Community

One early pioneer was John Noyes from the Yale Divinity School. Noyes came up with the concept of Male Continence as a consequence of his wife losing four premature children in the first six years of their marriage. After struggling with self-imposed celibacy, he eventually found that he as well as his wife greatly enjoyed non-ejaculatory sex. He told friends about it, and in 1848 they founded the Oneida community in upstate New York, which eventually grew to 250 men and women.

Intercourse without ejaculation was a cornerstone of the Oneida Community. Young men learned self-control from post-menopausal women. Noyes also realized some spiritual implications for Male Continence. In order to create the Kingdom of Heaven on earth we must not only strive for reconciliation with God, but also bring about a true union of the sexes.  He even suggested that the frequent unease after ejaculatory intercourse lies at the heart of the Judeo-Christian association between sex and guilt.

Because of statements from some medical authorities that non-orgasmic sex is harmful a large number of members of this community were examined by a medical practitioner and found to be “in perfect health, happy and in complete harmony.”

Karezza Classics

In 1872, after more than 25 years of practice John Humphrey Noyes published his experiences and theories in Male Continence. Two other Karezza Classics are The Karezza Method by J. William Lloyd (1931), and Karezza: Ethics of Marriage by Alice Bunker Stockham, MD (1903). Stockham developed her method mainly to help her patients, and promoted it as producing better health, greater harmony and spiritual attainment.

She believed that sexual energy may be directed into building bodily tissue and permeating every cell with health and vigor. For Stockham, Karezza was a form of spiritual companionship. Partners seek union and mutual soul development rather than fleeting passionate gratification, but the emphasis is on loving closeness, rather than denial of pleasure. At the appointed time and after joint meditation the couple calmly engages in physical contact and expressions of endearment and affection, followed by the complete, quiet union of the sexual organs.

Only the book by Dr Lloyd has still some practical value in regard to details of the technique, while the other two books are mainly of historical interest. But all of them relate the great health and emotional benefits derived from this method. By the middle of the twentieth century the practice of Karezza had greatly declined in the United States, although related non-ejaculatory methods apparently had gained many followers in India and Egypt.

The Method

In Karezza the emphasis is on the inner feeling awareness as well as on the feeling of complete union with the partner. Orgasm is avoided or at least minimized. Caresses and slow controlled movements during intercourse generate a steady stream of sexual energy that is consciously converted into feelings of sublime joy and love. Typically, this may continue for an hour or more. It is not necessary for the penis to be erect or even inside to enjoy this type of lovemaking. Part or all of the time the tip of the penis may just touch the entrance of the vagina, or the sexual organs may not touch at all. 

Initially concentrate awareness on the sensations at the point of contact with the partner, in the genital area and wherever the skin or a caressing hand touches. This generates pleasant sensations, which can now easily be converted into a loving feeling. Open your heart and send this love to your partner. In a more active fashion you can in your imagination lead the energy felt in the genital or pelvic area upwards to the heart. There you feel it as love and radiate it out onto your partner, and also envelop both of you in a cloud of love.

For many sensitive individuals this is more satisfying than just mechanically experimenting with different positions or chasing an elusive orgasm.  You may also lie quietly connected, just to relax and feel close, cared for and protected, without attempting to generate any specific effects. If sleeping together, you may develop a routine of connecting daily before going to sleep or after awakening, or both. This may be done without moving, just to feel close to each other, or you may sleep together skin to skin. All this is not only emotionally satisfying, but produces strong bonding and greatly strengthens the relationship.

A connection based on love provides a natural increase in sexual self-control, as explained by William Lloyd: “As you acquire the habit of giving your sexual electricity out in blessing to your partner from your sex-organs, hands, lips, skin, eyes and voice, you will acquire the power to satisfy yourself and her without an orgasm. Soon you will not even think of self-control, because you will have no desire for the orgasm, nor will she.”

Lloyd also notes the ability of Karezza or controlled intercourse to nourish lovers. He reports a sense of “sweet satisfaction, fullness of realization, peace, often a physical glow and mental glamour that lasts for days, as if some ethereal stimulant, or rather nutriment, had been received.” And, “in successful Karezza the sex-organs become quiet, satisfied, demagnetized, as perfectly as by the orgasm, while the rest of the body of each partner glows with a wonderful vigor and conscious joy…tending to irradiate the whole being with romantic love; and always with an after-feeling of health, purity and wellbeing. We are most happy and good-humoured as after a full meal.”


Sexuality and the various benefits resulting from non-orgasmic sex can only be understood in the context of bio-energy or life-force, also called prana, chi, ki, orgone, or od. We may see it as the innermost aura around living objects or feel it as heat or tingling in our body, especially when transferring energy as with 'laying on of hands' or Reiki, and most strongly during orgasm.

This energy circulates in our acupuncture meridian system and its vortexes form our chakra system. It is at the base of paranormal or psychic phenomena, and is also the healing agent of many natural therapies. While bio-energy is still unknown to orthodox science (except in astrophysics where it is called dark energy), it is an everyday experience of many sensitive individuals. Sexual energy is highest in virgin teenagers, where related electrical activity can lead to static and interference with electric and electronic equipment.

As living organisms we are a dynamic bio-energy system. Our health and energy rely on a strong flow of bio-energy into the chakra system. From there the energy flows through the acupuncture system into all the organs and tissues, and any surplus flows out to form the etheric aura around the body.

The sex chakra is our strongest bio-energy generator. In addition to providing a moderate stream of energy into the base chakra and then up the spine into the brain, it also keeps the production of our sex hormones going. If this energy generator becomes weak, then we lack vitality and may be close to a disease or to old age.

The problem now is this: if we let this energy generator deteriorate through poor nutrition or by blocking the flow of sexual energy, then our overall energy level deteriorates. If, on the other hand, we frequently use it with orgasmic sex, then we lose an inappropriate amount of bio-energy, again resulting in a low energy level, in addition to the negative effects of strong hormone fluctuations.

The logical solution is sufficient use or stimulation of our sexual energy but without discharging it and without creating an energy blockage. Ideally we produce a high amount of sexual energy and then channel it into the chakra and acupuncture system to keep us young and healthy. This model lets us understand the frequent claims of practitioners of Tao and Karezza methods of love-making as to the amazing health and rejuvenating effects that have been experienced.

Sex Perfection

Rudolf von Urban, a psychiatrist and psychologist, was originally associated with Sigmund Freud but, like Wilhelm Reich, later immigrated to the United States. In 1952 he published Sex Perfection in which he relates experiences and insights that led him to the conclusion that there is a bio-energetic potential difference between sexually charged males and females which requires about half an hour to be exchanged and reach an equilibrium.

Knowing that his colleagues would not take kindly to facts that contradict their theories, he waited for 30 years before publishing his discoveries. In addition to Karezza he also related the following observations which we need to consider when formulating a theory of sexual energy.

The Arabian Couple: The first account is of a former patient, a medical doctor, and his young Arabian bride. After caressing naked for about an hour without sexual contact in a dark room, he saw the body of his wife surrounded by a greenish-blue hazy light. Moving his palm close to her breast a visible and audible electric spark jumped from the breast to the palm, causing some pain. Von Reichenbach, a distinguished scientist, had previously described similar phenomena without being taken seriously by mainstream scientists.

Following von Urban’s suggestions the couple made a series of experiments with the following results: when they caressed for an hour and then had orgasmic intercourse lasting for less than 27 minutes, sparks still moved between them. However, if intercourse after caressing lasted 27 minutes or longer, no more sparks would fly. Furthermore, if they started intercourse immediately without caressing, the woman would not emit a visible radiation, and no sparks would develop regardless of the length of the intercourse.

In addition, caressing followed by orgasmic intercourse lasting less than 27 minutes induced in both a strong desire to have more sex. But if they acted on this with another brief intercourse, they both developed health problems afterwards, such as headaches, asthma and heart-palpitations. Also after caressing and intercourse of short duration the sparks between them became stronger. Urban interpreted these events as showing that a short intercourse eliminated the tension in the sexual organs but increased tension in the rest of their bodies.

The sparks also were stronger a day before the start of her menstrual period, again indicating increased body tension. Von Urban wrote that intercourse for periods of less than 27 minutes increased the distance at which the sparks would jump to more than one inch, indicating that the tension in their bodies became stronger with each (orgasmic) intercourse of short duration.

These sparks, which may only be observed in individuals with strong sexual energy, show that the skin is highly charged with bio-energy. This is pleasurable and desirable as part of sexual foreplay but then it needs to be discharged as part of a prolonged sexual union. If, instead, the skin remains charged up because the following union is too short, then the individual becomes tense and may in time develop stress-related symptoms and diseases.

So, to summarize, orgasmic intercourse for half an hour or more, with or without initial caressing, did not produce any sparks and therefore appears to eliminate all tension. Intercourse for half an hour or more was followed by a pleasant relaxation of the whole body with increased love and happiness of the couple and no desire for another sexual connection for 5 or more days. If the intercourse lasted for an hour this contentment lasted for one week, and after a 2-hour intercourse it lasted for two weeks. This was true even when there was an early ejaculation but they remained sexually connected with a non-erect penis. Later von Urban found these observations confirmed by reports of other couples.

South Sea Islanders: Von Urban also describes the sexual practices of some Melanesian societies as confirming the experiences of the Arabian couple. Foreplay with kissing and caressing takes at least half an hour, but a man never touches the clitoris. Then they connect with their sexual organs and lie motionless together for at least another half hour before starting movements, and after orgasm they remain sexually connected for a long time. On nights when they did not have sex they slept skin to skin but without any kissing or caressing. They had intercourse not more than about every five days, and sexual problems seemed to be unknown in these societies. They made fun of what they regarded as the immature sexual practices of Westerners.

The Neurotic Woman: A beautiful young woman was terrified of men, but after falling in love with a medical assistant of von Urban eventually agreed to marry him on the condition that he would not try to have sex with her. After six weeks, they finally spend their first night together, naked but without any sexual contact. After about half an hour of lying together both experienced an indescribable delight and rapture that lasted the whole night.

However, after 7 hours they had to separate or they would get a feeling of suffocation unless they had a shower, and then they could continue lying blissfully together. During the day they felt exceptionally happy, relaxed and energetic. For 14 years they practiced this celestial type of love-making until they tried conventional sex and lost it. As with the Arabian couple, their experiences were enhanced by having a shower before lying together.

Von Urban’s Six Rules of Perfect Sex

Preparation: A day chosen for making love should be filled with mutual kindness and affection. A period of love play with kissing and caressing should precede the sex act. Clitoral stimulation should be avoided. Woman who are used to clitoral orgasms should gradually, within a few weeks or months, be helped to refocus on vaginal stimulation.

Comment: Von Urban believed that clitoral stimulation increases tension and makes deep relaxation of the whole body more difficult, and if one is used to clitoral stimulation it also may make it more difficult to achieve deep vaginal orgasm. The main goal for von Urban was not creating strong excitement and coming quickly to an orgasm but rather having a loving and strongly bonding connection with a partner. This does not mean that everyone needs to do it this way, von Urban just believed that it gave the best long-term results in regard to health and relationships.

Position: The partners should adopt a position that allows them to remain fully relaxed during a long intercourse. Preferred is the Scissor Position: the woman lies on her back with knees drawn to the chest, while the male lies on his left side crosswise to her, so that his penis touches the entrance of the vagina. She now drops her legs and he places his right leg between her legs. With this, her left leg is between his legs while her right calf rests on his torso. Sides may be reversed.

The man places the tip of the penis at the opened entrance of the vagina. Now all kissing and caressing should cease and both lovers focus on the energy streams between their sexual organs. It does not matter if the penis is soft or erect. After half an hour and full exchange of sexual energy the penis usually becomes erect and may now enter provided that the vagina is naturally moist. The use of oil is discouraged as it slows the exchange of energy (but this should not be a problem with long connections), and condoms must be avoided (except possibly temporarily for the purpose of ejaculation) because they block the exchange of bio-energy and lead to increased body tension. These recommendations are for couples in long-term relationships, for casual encounters use safe sex practices.

Duration: After the man has learned to control his ejaculation, the 30 minutes outside the vagina are no longer required. For a long connection of one to three hours the couple remains mainly motionless or with slow movements. If ejaculation occurs prematurely, the soft penis should remain inside until at least half an hour since entering. If unwanted pregnancy needs to be avoided then withdraw shortly for ejaculation, urination and washing, and then connect again the penis to the inner lips.

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